Two Myth Teams Play a Myth Match: A Nifty Review

"...turning the godhead of the ghols into a monument to Balin's victory. Nothing else has done more to sustain the mutual hatred since the ghols raided the crypt at Myrgard for 'victuals'."
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Two Myth Teams Play a Myth Match: A Nifty Review

Post by bone »


Why are you reading this?

Myth is dead. Myth HAS been dead. Here's a brief timeline:

Bungie -> 2,000,000 players -> Playmyth -> 2,000 players -> MWC 2010 -> 200 players -> Now -> 20 players.

There are no new players. The latest biggest tournament only has FOUR TEAMS. How can a competition get more meaningless than that?

And yet... somehow, we found a way.

Last Sunday, twelve people across the globe took two hours out of their afternoons to play a match that would not affect the outcome of even this tiny tournament. In 5 words, it was:


In 1,153 words, here's why they did it.

Game 1: Waywardone

Many of us know wwo as an old guy in the woods somewhere with a wife and a computer. God knows how this man found a copy of Myth 2, but it affords him a chance to strategize, and problem-solve in a team-oriented environment.. something I don't think he does too much of in real life. Look, the older we get, the less choices we have, and unless you're willing to completely reinvent yourself -- which means hard work, more risk, and sacrifice -- you're better off just wondering 'what if'. At least in a video game, there's no real risk.

This game, wwo comes up with a real gem. Instead of three flanks, he uses two. Fast and strong units in the middle, slow and crappy units in the north. The plan, I think, is that the north slowly murders everything in it's path, via a giant circle around the map, while the mid watches.

For a second, everything goes to plan. The fast and strong middle goes straight for the enemy forces, and for a second I flashback to 1997, when one trow could take out 14 units just by attacking. Life was so simple back then.

Arzenic is tempted to attack, but he only has 3 trow. The other two follow him tentatively, wavering back and forth as if to ask: "are we really doing this?"

At the last second, he pulls back. It all goes downhill from there.

… or rather, it goes up a nice boob-shaped hill, which is where North quickly huddles up to make a final stand. Wwo continues to give his teammates impossible orders, but they are surrounded. Homer's trow gives up and dies, and one by one the team follows suit. The game is lost, but what did anyone lose, really?

1 - 0

Game 2: Rawr

Rawr. Straight up LA Cholo. How in the HELL did someone like that get in the game (and what possessed this man to pick it up again), I don't know. What does Myth mean for him? A cheap ass drug, I guess. If your job sucks in LA (and a great many do), you'll find a niche outside of work to ease the mind. At least Myth won't give you AIDS. I try to imagine Rawr sitting in some cubicle with a dress shirt, slacks and some bling, answering phones or attending meetings, only to trade it all at home for baggy clothes, a bong rip, and, fuck it, let's log on because why not. I really have no idea.

Paris is now capping the other team. He writes, "ok goys, follow line."

There's a red line on the map pointing to a hill with some houses for cover. His whole team is supposed to go there and die. Which they do. He wrote some other stuff, but I doubt his own team read it, either. You can only pay attention to paris so much.

Game on.


Somebody had erased the red line.

Quickly it was redrawn, and team paris huddles up. The other team is about 70% rush, and begins surrounding the houses on the hill.


The 70% rush attacks (don't ask about the other 30%. it doesn't play a role this game). Despite some expert dodging by the rushers, Rawr puts them down one by one like a champ… until Arzenic nails his dwarf from behind with a high lob.

Rawr: WOW
Rawr: hep[p~ [sic]
Rawr: wtf

With only 3 archers left, Rawr still fights like hell. He shoots the warriors. He absolutely nails a heron guard that dies afterward. He dodges, he shoots, he fires flame arrows. He. Does. Not. Stop. Fighting.

Meanwhile, paris and cremisi accidentally walk off the final flag, allowing a watchful tirri to complete the tag-out. Otherwise, Rawr might have won.

Rawr: Daaamn you niggahz be stupid

1 - 1

Game 3: Arzenic

Arzenic. Reliable. Consistent. I think this man has a job in front of a computer. I think this man has a wife. I think this man sets the gold standard for a normal life (for Finland, anyway). A game of Myth to Arze is just part of a routine that hasn't changed much in the last ten years: begin scheduled free time. Alone? Check. Plans? Nil. Okay, log on to Myth. Are there quality 2-team games? Play. Otherwise, linger, then leave.

These days those games are rarer and rarer. When he does play, though, the routine never changes: sound strategy, sound tactics, sound execution. Arzenic is the only one left from the last good games I saw of Myth 1, and I suspect he'll be around for the last good games of Myth 2… and why not? Why break routine, when it doesn't need fixing? Arze may be the most mentally stable person playing Myth, even though that's not saying much.

Game on.

Tirri has a plan. It goes like this: fast units flank, while mid slowly stalls. For some reason, the only one who listens is Arze.

The other team's strategy is to send everything mid, except drunken of clan deer, who is sent to the far northeast corner of the map. Really. His units touch the mapmaker's* signature.

Both armies meet mid, and begin to take damage. Meanwhile, Arzenic is spotted flanking alone to the flag. The fl-... Oh… ohMYGOD, THE FLAG.

The rest of the game is pure comedy.

Have you ever been in a group panic? Paris's team does a 180, rushing straight back to the flag, leaving a couple units behind. And by 'a couple units', I mean every single archer, warlock, and a dwarf -- that hilariously manages to drop a couple satchel charges before exploding -- which are all left behind to die.

The game is over pretty quickly after that.

1 - 2

* yes, I know GenX isn't a real mapmaker. stfu

Game 4: Tirri

Why does tirri still play myth? If people played myth because they still had something to prove, tirri would've been gone long ago. He's played with almost all the greats, in their primes, but only tirri is still here. He's grown a little, gotten a woman, and a kid. I think he even has other preferred games at this point. What more could he possibly get from Myth?

To be honest, I think he still gets a little kick sometimes. You know that feeling when you haven't played in a while, then you get in the game, remember a couple moves, and suddenly you end up with a win? That feeling, like you earned it, like you deserved it, never really gets old. For those few moments… that's why I think tirri still plays.

(Incidentally, I think you can get that little kick with anything you're good at in life. It just happens that the remaining Myth players are all just good enough at this game, that it's not too much effort. I think a lot of people quit because it became too much work to get that kick. Same reason I'm not rushing to pick up the latest competitive game: you mean I have to practice?! Fuck that)

Pre-game chat.

Paris: ok dudes
Homer: let's rush again
adrenaline: :O

Paris: these colors suck

It's at this point that I realize that every player on paris's periwinkle team is some different shade of blue. What the hell?

The game is on, and paris rambles out about 1,000 orders. Meanwhile, both teams line up and give battle because, hey, it's lmoth on the Barrens. The real fight happens east.

It's Professional Killer, and East Wind, each with a warlock flank. They're being rushed… by 4 ghols. Tirri's ghols.

Two solid players, with heavy artillery and strong support, up against the four fast weak units of one player… but PK has already used up his first shot, and now his second explodes harmlessly short. His warlock is out of mana. Tirri dips, ducks, and dodges, closing in with the first two ghols.

EW gets a shot off, and this time it's locked on, the ghol will die. Tirri charges anyway, so the blast will hit some of EW's warriors. Meanwhile, PK pusses the other ghol, and that should cut tirri's charge in half… except… oh no...


Now PK and EW are in real trouble, as they've wasted everything on those first two ghols, and all that's left is to try and use their melee as meat shields… which they do poorly. The two ghols let fly, killing one warlock and freezing the other. Arzenic --watching this whole time-- steps in for the easy kill. Just like that, the east is won.

Meanwhile, Homer walks his warlock into a fireball. Have I mentioned yet that he has died like this every game? More on that later.

Another blue warlock dies to puss, and team paris is crumbling. Homer is spared a mort.

At this point, I get a text message.

By the time I get back, paris is screaming orders, and his team has actually pushed back the west. In the east, everything's lost, and team tirri heads back to the middle flag. A minute thirty remaining, and we're set for the final showdown.

Homer waits for some archers to get in range. He dips, ducks, dodges, and… dies.

Homer: I AUCK
Homer: SUICK

As time winds down, there's a small flag fight, but now I'm watching Homer as he tries to get just one kill this game.

He charges a wounded archer. Ten… Nine… Eight… he's going to make it. Seven… YES, he's on the board! Now he's going for the wounded mort, maybe he can kill two and save face… Four… Three… Two. The mort blows up in his face, killing them both. Time runs out. Homer has 1 kill and 10 losses, but at least victory is secured for his team. The most meaningless match in Myth history is over.

1 - 3

And yet... they play one more game.

Game 5: Homer

"We could be solving the problems of the world, but for some reason, I don't know, Mario, you and me. We gotta do this."
-Super Mario Brothers is Frustrating

I feel like I relate to Homer very well. I met him once, and if there ever was a pleasant, decent, normal human being, his Myth handle is Homer. I'm guessing Homer grew up white, semi-affluent, and lost, just like a lot of us. I mean, it's not like we're poverty, danger, or some debilitating physical condition. What the hell are we supposed to do with our lives?

The only way we can grow is through adversity, and we don't have any. We have to CREATE our own goddamn adversity. Short of running away from home (or doing hard drugs), and intentionally making our lives harder, Myth is the most convenient route to a problem we have to solve, and boy, does it create plenty of problems. Myth is like our own version of Fight Club.

…but why are we still playing? Are we just the lazy ones? Still saddled with the fear of throwing away a good life for an unknown? Did we become addicted to problem solving? And even if so, why are we still addicted? Is it merely because the 'rock bottom' of video games is more like a down blanket? Or are we just the last few, those who still have nothing better to do?

I really don't have the answers. But I think even us stragglers will move on sooner or later, when the time is about right.

The map is FR Acts. Everybody knows what to do.

Tirri gives homer a forest giant, and a pus ghol. Game on.

... they aren't moving.

tirri: the one game I give good units to Homer…

Oh wait, he's back. Homer goes North, backed up by Arzenic. Up against them are Cruniac and some others.

What follows is perfect.

Homer, utterly ambivalent, sends his giant straight at the enemy… without cover… or supporting units.

As he gets closer and closer to Cruniac's deadly puss, the risk becomes less and less. Soon, it's impossible for Cruniac to resist this gift. He throws the puss.

Normally, a player caught so far out of position would retreat.

Normally, a player would be scared of losing the most important unit in a game.

Normally, a player would still be trying to win, as if there was still some importance left in winning.

Not Homer.

As the puss sails well behind the feet of his charging unit, Homer just keeps walking into the enemy. At this point, Cruniac could possibly surround him, but he's too busy staring in awe (and typing 'LOL?') to perform such a basic action. Finally, with a sigh and one heavy click of the mouse, Homer's giant veers off into safety. He's sustained needless damage, but is still pretty healthy. Despite everything that just happened, the game is still on. There's no turning back now, and both teams gravitate to the north.

At the mid, tirri and wwo rush drunken with a token force of "whatever's still left." It succeeds, thanks partly to a mortar round getting caught by a poor stray bird. Hah.

Back in the north, Homer's giant somehow has two kills. The mortar fire is coming thick and heavy, and all four giants are in the same area, surrounded by melee, mortars, and pus. Somebody throws a small pus. It's way off. He dies. Another pus goes off and freezes two giants. Then the other two are frozen. Mortars fly, melee swarms everywhere, chaos develops. In the end, almost nothing is left... except tirri's team has a giant still standing. And it's healthy.

And so ends the most meaningless game of the most meaningless match of the most meaningless tournament on the most insignificant computer game ever played.

The "ggs" start flowing, and players are already reminiscing about the game they just finished playing…

...and meanwhile, out there in the far corner of the map, Father Xmas has been rushing cremisi for nearly three minutes. He's STILL pressing. The two players battle back and forth right up to the flag, gunning down to the last man… but neither quite wins. Tirri's zerks finally arrive, and they finish the game via elimination.

Team cremisi played out the match to the last man on the last flag.

1 - 4


It would take a miracle for Myth to have millions of players again, and by 'miracle', I mean 'a lot of hard work by a bunch of dedicated and motivated people', which I just don't see ever happening. For us, the people that still play Myth, this game isn't about hard work, achievement, or growth. This game is a release valve, and it works for as long as we're still here. When it stops working, or when the last of us finally find something better to do with our time, this game -- and the experiences we've had with it -- will be gone.

That's not a bad thing.

Over the years, we've all put varying degrees of time, effort, and care into this random-ass hobby. We've laughed, flamed, laughed, groaned, felt joy, despair, and in-between, and laughed some more. Myth hasn't shaped all that I am, but it certainly took a part of me with it... and even gave a little bit back. It's for that I am grateful, just as I am grateful to have shared such a wide range of (mostly) entertaining experiences with all of you idiots.

Wherever we may end up after this crazy ride, we can at least be content that our time spent on lonely afternoons or late nights, playing dwarves, swords, and sparklehorses, grabbing flags and talking trash, caring too much or playing without a care in the world… was totally worth it. ggs, dudes.


"There is no good in anything until it's finished." - Genghis Khan

"Just because something will eventually come to an end, doesn't mean you shouldn't start it." -Tucker Max

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Re: Two Myth Teams Play a Myth Match: A Nifty Review

Post by drunken_deer »

conclusion- when have you tried to play in my tournament? Have you joined my Steam Group for myth II? have you tried playing coop with new players?

If not, shut the fuck up hypocrite no wonder myth is in major decline!
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Re: Two Myth Teams Play a Myth Match: A Nifty Review

Post by par73 »

conclusion - I really wish ducky wrote more articles about myth, he's always been very efficent when it comes to that!

second conclusion - the exclusionists on myth have killed the community for years, it's time to start RADICAL INCLUSIONISM in order to beef that number from 20 to 40!

thirdly conclusion - I wish team cremisi was actually encouraged to show up for week 3 but we were already eliminated 24 hours prior! week 2 was our capstone team experience!
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Re: Two Myth Teams Play a Myth Match: A Nifty Review

Post by wwo »

Thanks for coming back long enough to extend your legacy as myth's greatest archivist. A joy to read!
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Re: Two Myth Teams Play a Myth Match: A Nifty Review

Post by killerking »

It was a good read, thanks for writing (although I don't agree on some points, like 'myth is dead'.
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Re: Two Myth Teams Play a Myth Match: A Nifty Review

Post by grim »

I thought drunken irishman and killerking were the same person?
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Re: Two Myth Teams Play a Myth Match: A Nifty Review

Post by Pogue »

I didn't know ducky still played myth and cared enough to write an entertaining article. Well done. Double guns cocksucka!
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Re: Two Myth Teams Play a Myth Match: A Nifty Review

Post by par73 »

MWC10 didn't even have 200 players. 100 might be too low, but probably 120 tops.
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Re: Two Myth Teams Play a Myth Match: A Nifty Review

Post by killerking »

grim wrote:I thought drunken irishman and killerking were the same person?
Lol? We're don't even have the same personality or playing style.
I wonder what made you think this.
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Re: Two Myth Teams Play a Myth Match: A Nifty Review

Post by Pogue »

I always get deer and ULMS members confused. Aren't you guys both Aussies too?
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Re: Two Myth Teams Play a Myth Match: A Nifty Review

Post by killerking »

No, Drunken and I live on the other side of the globe
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Re: Two Myth Teams Play a Myth Match: A Nifty Review

Post by rawr »

lmfao ducky, damn idiot you too funny.. ill be back next year bitches! peace the fuck out!
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Re: Two Myth Teams Play a Myth Match: A Nifty Review

Post by vigor » had 89 000 registered players, not 2 mil.
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Re: Two Myth Teams Play a Myth Match: A Nifty Review

Post by ska »

This is awesome, Ducky is a saint!
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