Get Your Very Own Bogan: My Experience with the Bogan Adoption Agency

"...turning the godhead of the ghols into a monument to Balin's victory. Nothing else has done more to sustain the mutual hatred since the ghols raided the crypt at Myrgard for 'victuals'."
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Joined: 13 Sep 2016, 00:59

Get Your Very Own Bogan: My Experience with the Bogan Adoption Agency

Post by Seeker »

Hey Fellow Mythers,

Feeling unfulfilled in life? Depressed because you have no one to bring you inner joy in your life. Depressed because your significant other just isn't satisfying your need for deeper meaning anymore. Depressed because your children just aren't that much of a challenge because you are a champion father like tirri.

Well, I was feeling many of those things up above when I read about a cool unique program in Australia that can address those concerns. It's Australia's Bogan Adoption Agency. It was started in 1996 as an effort by the Australian government following the successful Stolen Generations program that attracted no controversy at all within Australia. The purpose of this program is to place Bogans in good homes to help them acclimate to society. Results have been mixed as to its success. However, the results have been amazing as to the joy it brings to everyone who participates within the program. Thus, on the basis of that rave review I decided it was time for me to try the program out. So I bought a ticket to Australia and went to the Bogan Adoption Agency.

The Bogan Adoption Agency is a very clean building. Immaculate floors. Immaculate walls. Pristine desks are all around you. A high cavernous ceiling. The indoor welcoming hall is a massive room that brings to mind Grand Central Station. Truly magnificent architecture. At the end of the hall are a bunch of bank teller booths. They are usually fairly busy as the Bogan Adoption program is very popular. Undaunted, I walked the hall to the booth and waited in line. I then received my paper work, found a lovely mahogany desk nearby and sat down and started filling out the forms. They were very detailed forms asking about my work history, vaccines, and criminal background. Next, after submitting the forms at the booth, I was then directed to another line to the left of the booths that was much longer leading into a cavernlike entrance with a door about 10 feet after you enter the cavernlike entrance. This was the line for the interview room.

The interview was staged in a small 10 x 10 room with no windows. It was pristine white all over with the only furniture inside being a white desk with two white chairs. One for me. One for the interviewer. It was an intimidating setting. They asked me a lot of questions. Questions of which I can't tell you about as I signed a confidentiality agreement after the interview to not reveal these questions online. However, the Bogan Adoption Agency works quickly, and I was told during the interview itself that I was approved to take a bogan with me back to America. The bogan I received was named Flatline.

Let me tell you about Flatline. In contrast to the immaculate reception hall within the Bogan Adoption Agency, Flatline was the exact opposite of the hall. He was unkempt. He had a full head of hair that was rarely washed. He was fond of picking his nose. Picking lice off his head and eating it. Picking scabs off his toes and eating it. He had no good clothes. When we came to America I had to burn all his clothes and force him into the shower to give him a scalding hot bath.

I wasn't sure what I had gotten myself into. I was worried I made a huge mistake. Thankfully, thanks to the few stories I outline below, I grew to appreciate my dear Flatline.


Let me tell you guys, Flatline's brought me a lot of great joy in my life.

Here are some interactions I've had with him already:
Flatline 110% Hetero - Yesterday at 7:31 PM
seeker let me back in seekercord
Blurb - Yesterday at 7:49 PM
As my adopted bogan
I need to be a harsh disciplinarian
You can't have everything you want in life. This is one of those times.
Sorry my bogan.
Flatline 110% Hetero - Yesterday at 7:50 PM
Blurb - Yesterday at 7:51 PM
Go to your room!
Flatline 110% Hetero - Yesterday at 7:51 PM
Blurb - Yesterday at 7:52 PM
This has been enough of a fuss out of you Flatline
You need a timeout.
Flatline 110% Hetero - Yesterday at 7:52 PM
Blurb - Yesterday at 7:52 PM
grabs Flatline
starts spanking Flatline over and over again
WHat did I tell you about begging, my bogan?
continues to spank Flatline on his butt
Flatline 110% Hetero - Yesterday at 7:57 PM
let me back in
i'll be good
i dont even care if im a dead axeman
Seeker bakes bread in the oven
Seeker calls Flatline down from the room
Flatline yells out, "C'mon Seeker! BREAD AGAIN! I WANT SOMETHING NEW"
Seeker states, "Sorry Flatline. Eat your bread. You need carbs cause you are very skinny."
Flatine says, "AWWW... please Seeker? May I have something more meaty."
Seeker states, "No. We don't do that in this household. I am your stepfather. Now eat the bread."
Flatline looks down to the ground and meekly says, "Ok."

One of my favorite interactions was the first time I took Flatline to bogan re-education school. He was so scared of going to school, he held my hand the entire time from when we left the house to when we got the school. I felt a lot of joy seeing his timidity at going to school. His reliance on me for protection. The innocence that he rediscovered. This all warmed my heart.

I had a heart cry when we got to the school and he turned and looked at me and said, "Oh Seeky, please don't leave me. I will mwisss you my n(word)." I held him and said, "It will be fine. It will all be fine." In that moment, I knew it to be true, and Flatline won me over.


So that's the story of my adopted bogan Flatline. He's getting ready to go to a Bogan preparatory high school soon to help him train for college. I really hope some of you are inspired to go get your own bogan now. Some bogans at the agency include sasper, vantobia, and Nemesis.

If you have any questions feel free to ask them.