Rab's captaining guide for idiots
"i got bored and wrote some stuff
" ~Rab
Yeah I got bored too so I decided to read it. I'm still bored...let's waste some space and post it.
Rab's captaining guide for idiots
This guide is not about strategies because frankly , there isn't any team in this tournament that can do more complex strategy than basic 3prong. This guide is about how to manage incompetent idiots that make up your team (hellooo np ).
1. This is the most important thing to remember while capping. YOUR TEAM IS BUNCH OF FUCKING MORONS! If you make simple strat like "everyone, rush north" and repeat it 10times during pt , there is bound to be at least 1 GOD DAMN PIECEAIG NRAE GS SHIT IDIOT(last time it was creme, try not to wank during games ÄQ%*PRHTA*) who still doesn't understand it, or was masturbating or whatever. If you make new strats you have to practice them tens of times before they have any chance of succeess.
2. Your team mates are unable to obey orders (reason can be found in 1#). If you give order to player who is archer dancing or some other shit, he will never, ever notice it or care about it. Even if you yell it 20times in all caps THE FUCKING PIECE OF SHIT JUST KEEPS IGNORING YOU(fire
). If you urgently need someone to do something else than they are currently doing , just steal their units. You might get some shouting from the ingrateful little idiot whose units you just took but don't let it bother you.
3. Yell at your players. This prolly wont do any good but hell ,after few games of watching those fags playing like they just got the game , you are ALLOWED to loudly point out their mistakes and add some colourful insults. Maybe after yelling "YOU LOST 2 DUFFS TO ONE PUSS AGAIN FUCKIGN GAIHNGREHNI INHR AWMO ;GB ITIIICIAS INGAERM IGIAMKTHN DIE ; AERHGNI RRETARD;GAINHRIAENTH MY EYES " (wtg chickenfuck; I SO FUCKING HATE YOUR SORRY ASS) 200times, maybe they'll learn. I doubt it though.
4. Keep some beer close at hand. Beer is good for nerves !
5. Remember that your team mates are stupid. Always point out to players that you can't win 9 warrs and duff with 6 warrs, and there is no reason whatsoever you should rush them just because you lost your archers (dante, you eräyhoatrhi al5enhyioe rea fucking penguin). Not that they will listen to you
6. Always give some simple advices in beginning of game. Good ones are "don't die" "don't suck" "kill shit" "ghols can pick up statchels". okay fuck this shit, you guys are so god damn stupid anyway that its waste of time trying to give you any advice at all, go to hell wonkypuffs !