"NP vs BMW" by Will from MWC2006.
Game 1 Np Vs BMW Stalk FR
The Deltamax Megazord vs Mad Dog's Prostitution Ring.
This match starts out with Holo cursing any chance of a win that BMW had by saying
this is based on an assumption that it might be possible to win against the Mighty Power Rangers. Thus (by this logic) BMW should attempt to play hard, rather than just get a crazy strategy and wing it in hopes of taking the Power Rangers by surprise.
The Mighty Finns, led by their fearless leader rabican (Omega) are slightly less worried about strats. Grim, aka Delta Runner 1, or the Red Ranger, decides to start showing his O face before the match. Xel decides to follow suit, but doesn't make quite as many O's or :'s so he can be Delta Runner 5, or the Pink Ranger (the gay one).
Np's Omega decides to get pretty much exactly what he said he would in his biography. He gets alot of wars mid (27), 6 puss mid, some arcs/defense south, and a mediumish north. He sends in Delta Runner 1, Delta Runner 3 (Arzenic, or the Green Ranger), and Delta Runner 4 (tirri, or the yellow ranger) to attack the middle with 9 warriors and 2 ghol's (with puss) each. He sends the Pink Ranger (or Xel, the gay one) south with some arcs and some thrall and duff and ghols. But not very much of the stuff thats not arcs or...arcs. He sends Delta Runner 2 (Pumba, the Blue Ranger) north with enough to push if needed, or defend.
BMW, A group of immigrant workers who snuck across the border are led by Mad Dog, a rabid ex-con who now runs a prositition ring outside of vegas, offering the immigrants a chance to work Below Minimum Wage as prosititutes, or get deported. Those that play are those that stay.
Mad Dog (Real name: Melvin Ernest) decides to go two flanks. Luckily for him, he sends his flanks north and middle, which is where Omega sends his units. Unluckily for him, he's didn't take advantage of the south start, and sends a smaller force than they do middle, and a north force that is marginally bigger than the Blue Ranger. He also gets a ghol pack, which makes this game look alot closer than it was.
When Delta Runner 1, 3, and 4 meet up against Ascot (street name: Turd Licker) and Papa (street name: PapsShmere) the quickly realize that they have a few advantages and move to use them. First, the Red, Green, and Yellow rangers realize that they have alot more units than the Prostitutes Owing Odd People Service. Thinking quickly, they completely rape Ascot's half of the p.o.o.p.s. with a few cleverly thrown puss's on his melee and then a complete ownage by the Green Ranger.
Meanwhile, the Pink Ranger, being the idiot he is, has pretty much done nothing, and is working on killing an AFK warrior with 7 archers in order to take the southern middle flag. It takes him about 5 minutes to do this.
In the north, the Blue Ranger is having a back and forth fight with very light pushing by Brainbug and Holo Ross.
Omega, and Mad Dog, in an epic duel, are pretty much ignoring eachother. Or at least Omega is ignoring Mad Dog. Omega, Np's fearless leader, has heard of such concepts as "defense" but doesn't truck with them. They're for cowards in his view, and should be dragged into the street and shot. This gives Mad Dog a chance to run around and take flags and take the lead in flags.
Meanwhile, where the Deltamax Megazord's Primary Thrust is taking place, things seem to be going swimmingly for them. After completely buggering Ascot, they do the same to Papa, and then split up. The Green Ranger Swings up north to help the Blue Ranger, who has been slowly backing away. At this point BMW has gotten a victory imminent, which gives the impression of things looking grim. Especially since Np A) has a guy named "grim" on the team, and B) didn't really have any defense on the flag that BMW needed to tag. However, this is not the case. Because actually, Holo and Brainbug were the last of BMW's p.o.o.p.s. and the Blue Ranger is securely blocking their way. After getting stuck up against a wall, Omega delivers 3 puss that shatter the backbones of Brainbug and Holo's tightly crunched archers.
The Deltamax Megazord successfully busts up the criminal ring of Mad Dog's and is one step further on their way to deporting these illegal aliens. Game ends 8-7 in flags and 54 or 64%-2% ish.
Game 2 Np Vs BMW Trow Assassin No Unit Trading.
tirri vs Papa or "I'm the Juggarnaut, Bitch!"
This game Np has lost its power ranger status because they've added a 7th player, and its up in the air as to whether or not Np will be able to hold together after the devestating loss of their powers. Np starts west and gets pretty much the strat it said it would. It positions the peasents on that little hill (surprise) thats only on the west start of that mesh. BMW gets a boring strat involving nut units. The decide to send their trow accross mid bridge to flank south, while Np decides to send their trow south and have it cross there.
The First sign this game will go in Np's favor is when rabican suddenly turns into a giant Gumby. Not that hes no longer rabican, hes just Rabican in a giant Gumby form.
This game goes as you would expect, and there is really only one captivating feature of the game (other than Np completely mopping up). Its the comparison between tirri and papa, both of whom have a single trow in their position (papa actually has a wight or something, but it dies before it can get to the water so we wont count it) and both go south.
I'm not normally biased, but their appearences did lead me to believe that tirri might pwn slightly more than Papa on looks alone.
They both successfully cross the water and start "kicking things off" walking around kicking shit. Papa immedietly attacks the two southern wights, killing CW and somebody elses wight. He loses a fair amount of health for this given how much explosions normally do, because in doing so he took multiple lock, duff, and soul hits. Papa successfully kills two things, then decides chickenwire is a bit too prickly to screw around with and heads towards Gumby's Defense.
tirri, or the Juggernaut, enjoys a nice romp south, immedietly killing 2 locks 2 duffs 1 wight 1 myrk and 4 mauls, effectively raping their entire south before Chickenwire can even get there. Chickenwire was not tied up by Papa, the Juggernaut simply killed everything about 40 seconds after the start. It was like watching Kugar and Verminix team against Lebukin and Jahral on PG. After he finishes them off he heads towards the middle to help there.
Papa, upon deciding that Chickenwire was too prickly and not lovable enough because he was in Np, decides to go search for the peasents. He finds them in Gumby's hand, and decides that Gumby is a whole lot more cuddly. Attempting to immitate Jaws, the Carebear circled its pray for a little while...but then decided that "Gumby" wasn't actually anymore cuddly than Chickenwire. So he walks away and heads after Chickenwire in order to help his decimated south (at this point the Juggernaut has already moved mid and Chickenwire is crossing south to finish off the 6 surviving pigs (out of 10 pigs, a krid, 2 locks, 2 morts, and a wight)).
However, the tricksy Gumby stretches out the ARM OF JUSTICE and sends 4 soullesses to chase the Carebear, hoping that by being soulless they would be unaffected by its Carebear stare of love. This hope is shattered when Papa decides to turn around and kick some meaningless soulless rather than help his crumbling team. But mostly the hope is shattered for BMW, and not Gumby, who understood he would do this, because it causes Papa to, shockingly, turn around and go give it another go! At this point hes got two wight kills and 4 soulless kills to tirri's 2 wight kills (he killed another north), 2 morts, 2 locks, 4 pigs, and a krid.
Taking a lesson from the Juggernaut, he decides to be very agressive. However, where the Juggernaut is agressive is wide open space where manuevering is easy. Where Papa is agressive is a very closed patch where its very easy for everything to face in one direction.
After a disasterous head on collision with death, Papa's half dead crazed trow wonders away broken, and bloody. It heads north, but then trips and lands facing the direction it came from. It staggers up to Gumby again, and kicks the pig it first kicked. This causes it to lose alot more health. Then Gumby, knowing his ruse worked, sends 3 pigs after it (for it has about 1 hit left by anything) and chases it away. It kicks one of them once then runs to finally help its team out.
The Juggernaut, meanwhile, understands that BMW middle has been neutralized, south was crushed and CW would soon move to crush south, and moves to kill north. When he gets there, he finds that Np north has been, shockingly, owning really hard. But there is never a rest period for the Juggernaut, and so he goes about completely raping the rest of BMW's artillery and melee, and ends up with 0 losses and like 1538972359843725987 damage and kills, to Papa's 2 losses and 50 damage and 7 kills.
In this game we learned that: The Juggernaut (Bitch) is alot better at killing shit than Carebears are.
And thats it.
Game 3 Np vs BMW: Calm Before the Storm Territories.
Rabican, upon finding his transmogrifying gun, makes the switch back...except accedently turns himself into General Sherman in the US Civil War.
Luckily the opponent he's fighting this time isn't Robert E. Lee, and so he doesn't lose in the end. However, for those of you unfamilar with American civil war history, I'll explain the march.
It was November 15th, 1864. General William Tecumseh Sherman had recently been given a directive by U.S. Army Commander Ulysess S. Grant to march down to Sevannah Georgia and make total war on everything in his path.
In this march they destroyed everything they came across. Cities, Livestock, people, opposing forces. All of it put to the torch. Unless they were raping and killing first. Anyway, after some time, they successfully made it to Sevennah Georgia after destroying everything in their path.
This method was very effective and the marched completely and utterly owned. But The General Sherman started sucking and got owned by Robert E. Lee. Well, this match was entirely similar to that except that Robert E. Lee never showed up, and so Sherman just completely owned.